Rosenthal,Avoiding Blues

Dec 15, 2002 WC: 611

AVOIDING THE CHRISTMAS BLUES

NOTE: THIS IS FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES

You are riding through the snowy New England countryside in a

sleigh pulled by a magnificent team of Clydesdale horses. The only

sounds you hear are the hooffalls of the horses, the creaking of

harnesses and the ringing of sleigh bells. You finally arrive at

your destination, and as you knock on the door of the elegant

country house, a television announcer breaks into your reverie.

All of a sudden you realize you are sitting in an armchair watching

television, not riding in a horse-drawn sleigh, and that this

delightful 60-second ride through the snow has been brought to you

by a certain brand of beer. As the commercial fades away, you are

faced once again with the reality of everyday life.

Most people feel at least a little uneasy as the holiday season

approaches. The winter holidays can be fun, joyful and uplifting.

But they can also be stressful, expensive, lonely, empty and

depressing.

There may be any number of reasons for you not to feel happy: you

may not be able to be with your children for Christmas. You may

not be getting along with your family, you may be worried about

money, you may feel lonely, or have health problems, or job

concerns or a major relationship in your life may not be working

out so well. Or you might be spending Christmas alone.

Unfortunately, problems don't disappear at Christmas, and may even

be intensified by the cultural message that you are some sort of

Scrooge if you are not feeling warmhearted and happy during the

holiday season.

Regardless of your religious beliefs or the significance you attach

to the event, Christmas is impossible to ignore. You can't turn on

the radio, go to a restaurant, go shopping or open your mail without being

confronted with images of the holidays.

The following ideas are designed to buffer you from having the

holiday blues:

* Figure out exactly what is it that you are sad, regretful

or disappointed about.

* If you were to take responsibility for your life, your

well-being, and for the attainment of your goals, what

would you do? What would you stop doing?

* How could you invite deeper connections and more

meaningful friendships with people in your life?

* Set some new goals for yourself.

* What's fun? Figure out the answer to this question.

* Lighten up on food, alcohol and recreational drugs. Most

of us overindulge in items that really don't make us feel

better, and frequently make us feel worse.

* Watch less T.V., videos and movies. Be more an active

participant in your life, and less an observer.

* Plan something special soon: a weekend trip, a vacation

or a visit to somebody special.

* Figure out how to pamper yourself in ways that are

positive, healthy and that truly serve you.

* Pay attention to the people, things or events you are most

grateful, thankful or appreciative of.

* What or whom do you still have to forgive?

* What adventures do you want in your future?

* Quit thinking and acting out of fear. Don't let your

fears stop you from doing what matters to you.

Source: “Unplug The Christmas Machine” by Robinson and Staeheli (William

Marrow).

I will continue these recommendations in next week’s column.

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Boulder and Denver. His syndicated column appears in various newspapers in the U.S. and around the world. Call him at (303) 758-8777, e-mail him at www.heartrelationships.com or write him care of this paper.