ROSENTHAL,BETTER CONNECTED

WK OF JULY 21 O2 wc: 599

GETTING BETTER CONNECTED

NOTE: THIS IS THE SECOND OF A TWO-PART SERIES

If you would like to experiment with how to have a deeper connection with your intimate partner, try the following:

• Learning to regulate warm connected energy. Decide who will be Partner A and Partner B. Then both of you withdraw your energy and connection from each other. Partner B remains withdrawn, and continues to hold back his or her energy. Partner A opens up his/her heart connection as strongly as possible. Partner B simply receives it and remains neutral. After 30-60 seconds, Partner A then decreases energetic connection, as if s/he has a regulating dial controlling the amount of heart connection energy offered. After 30-60 seconds, increase the energy field again as much as possible. Do this slowly as a way of developing mastery. Then after 30-60 seconds, reduce the warm personal energy you’ve been sending. After you have finished, take time to talk with each other about the exercise. Now its Partner B’s turn to do the exercise.
• Learning to handle invasive energy. Partner B opens up his/her energy field as strongly as possible and tries to swamp and overwhelm Partner A. After 30-60 seconds, Partner A begins to turn the energy field down slowly, creating a more impersonal connection. Partner B continues to send as much warm open energy as possible, but both A and B will begin to feel a more impersonal connection. After 30-60 seconds, Partner A will gradually turn up the power of the connection until it is very strong again. After another 30-60 seconds, Partner A will then turn down the connection. This is how Partner A will learn to make a choice about the level of intimacy s/he desires, regardless of the demands made on him/her. Reverse partners and repeat this exercise, so Partner B regulates the energy as Partner A tries to be as invasive as possible. When the exercise ends, take time to discuss what happened and how you felt about it.
• Learning to be present in “being” energy. “Being” energy is the ability to “be” with another person without having to do or say anything. You are facing each other with no music, no television and no agenda—just two people allowing their natural energies to mix. Allow at least a half hour with no interruptions for this exercise. Sit with one another in heartful energetic connection. Just allow yourself to “be” and resist the temptation to “do” anything. You will find that a fairly strong energy develops between you when you do this for awhile. Stay this way for at least 5 minutes. Allow yourself to speak out loud the thoughts or feelings that come up. Verbal communication is this space is totally different from regular talking.

This way of being together is usually a profound experience. So often a couple will say this is how it was when they first met—but it has since disappeared and has been replaced by all the demands and duties of daily life. Remember how wonderful it was to just hang out together? Practicing this “being” energy with each other on a regular basis is a way of deepening your intimacy and connection.

Source: “Partnering” by Hal and Sidra Stone (New World Library).

Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Boulder and Denver. His syndicated column appears in dozens of newspapers in the U. S and around the world. Call him at (303)758-8777, e-mail him a www.heartrelationships.com or write him care of this paper.