Are You Friends with the Person You Love?

Most satisfied couples will tell you that friendship is the most important ingredient in their relationship.  Think for a moment of a person that you would call a good friend – someone other than your partner – and see how many of the following statements apply to that relationship.  Put a check mark beside the statement if it applies. 

____ 1.  We support each other in the tough times.

____ 2.  We understand each other.

____ 3.  We enjoy one anothers’ company.

____ 4.  We treat each other with respect.

____ 5.  We enjoy a lot of the same things.

____ 6.  We trust each other.

____ 7.  We accept our differences.

____ 8.  We keep our relationship on a positive note.

____ 9.  We each put effort into our friendship.

____ 10.  We can depend on each other.

____ 11.  We settle our differences without threatening the relationship.


Go back over the checklist again, only this time think about your relationship with your intimate partner--and look at how many of the above statements apply.  Looking at  your love relationship,  answer the following questions:

____ 1.  My partner would say I am as nice to him/her as I am to my best friend.

____ 2.  My partner feels very supported by me.

____ 3.  My partner sees me as a team player.

____ 4.  My partner will attest that my attitude is more positive than negative.

____ 5.  My partner would say I am a fair fighter.

____ 6.  My partner would say I am fun to be with.

____ 7.  My partner loves my sense of humor.

____ 8.  My partner would say that I am responsive to his/her needs.

____ 9.  I do my part in preventing harmful interactions between us.

____ 10.  I come up with fun ideas for us.

____ 11. I initiate interesting conversations.

____ 12.  I am a good sport.

____ 13.  I express optimism about our relationship.

____ 14.  I am accepting of imperfections of my partner and myself.

____ 15.  I have a realistic vision of relationships.

____ 16.  I am a pleasant person to be around and/or to live with.


This quiz was taken from Pat Love’s excellent book The Truth About Love (Fireside).  What do your answers to the above questions tell you?