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Self Esteem

Reader Says, "Women Want Too Much From Men"

Dear Neil: I’m confused. I get mixed signals from single women I’ve dated about what they want a man to be, and about what they expect from a man in an intimate relationship. Most women clearly want a man to be financially stable and affluent—in essence to pay for everything, and to offer the long term possibility that they will be taken care of financially. Other women want fun. A good time.

Quiz: How Much Do You Trust Yourself?

This quiz will help you identify how much you trust yourself vs. how much you doubt yourself.  Give yourself a score of 0-5 for each question, where 0 means it doesn’t apply at all, and 5 means that it is often troublesome to you.

What's Right With You? Part 2

Note:  This is the second of a two-part series.

The following questions are designed to help you explore how you can increase your sense of personal power, self-worth and self-esteem—by exploring where in life you’ve been intelligent, kind, healthy, strong, courageous or wise.  These questions come courtesy of Carlene and Carolyn DeRoo’s book What’s Right With Me? (New Harbinger).  Write your answers down and make them as detailed and as in-depth as you can:

What's Right With You? Part 1

A Self Evaluation

A Self Evaluation

NOTE:  THIS IS THE FIRST OF A TWO-PART SERIES.

If you are like most of us, you focus most of your personal attention on your problems and your challenges—on the things that aren’t going so well in your life.  Things such as relationship troubles, financial worries, career stumbles or dead-ends, gaining too much weight and health challenges, to name a few.

Agreements With Self Lead to Higher Self-Esteem

Looking for better self-esteem?  Higher self-worth?  Increased self-confidence?

The following ideas about how to achieve a better relationship with yourself—which are really good rules for living—are taken from Don Miguel Ruiz’s excellent book The Four Agreements (Amber-Allen Publishing).

If you want better self-esteem, make the following four agreements with yourself and then be sure to follow up and live by them:

Woman's Insecurities Are Threatening Her Relationship

Dear Neil:  I am 32 years-old, and I’m a mess.  I grew up in a mess of a home—parents divorced when I was five.  I had an abusive step-father.  My father and I are now estranged.  I’ve spent years trying to connect the dots between my childhood and the person I am, so I can become a better version of myself.  But it hasn’t worked. 

Compassion For Self Requires Understanding of Inner Critic

Dear Neil:  I am interested in your thoughts on how to feel compassion for myself.  I can easily feel compassion for others, but when it comes to me I am extremely hard on myself.  I would like to know how to be kind and compassionate to myself and put my critic/attacker aside.

Inner Critic in New Zealand

Why Aren't Men Checking Me Out?

Dear Neil:  Is there something that makes men attracted to women?  Why is it that my best friend is hit on all the time (even as she gains a little weight), but I don’t get hit on at all.  I am shy, and I just don’t have it in me to talk to a random guy without some encouragement, but I think I would know it if someone was checking me out.  I am not fat or ugly, I don’t think.  What am I doing wrong?  Am I just not attractive or what?

Feeling Rejected

How Do I Stop Losing Myself in My Relationships?

Dear Neil:  I am a well accomplished successful artist in my mid-thirties.  I am confident in most areas of my life.  However, when I get into a relationship, I lose myself completely.  I become insecure, dependent on what men think, desperate for approval.  I forget my own life and my own priorities, and I end up unhappy and lost.  It completely overwhelms me, and it has destroyed most of my relationships with men.  They are attracted to my confidence, but then are repelled when this neediness comes out.  How do I stop losing myself in my relatio

Quiz: How Comfortable Are You With Yourself?

The following quiz is designed to measure how comfortable you are with yourself.  To take the quiz, answer the following questions honestly:

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