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Traits of Happy Relationships

A Cotton Candy Relationship

All Fluff, No Substance

All Fluff, No Substance

Dear Neil: A year ago I connected with a woman who was gorgeous, warm and affectionate. She was a model type, very striking in appearance. She appeared to be quite taken by me, and I had visions of this being THE ONE. But a couple of months into the relationship, she began to retract. She became reluctant to socialize with almost anyone, even good friends. She became fearful of new people and new situations. She got agitated, depressed and disturbed by virtually everything. She became very self-centered, focusing on what gave her pleasure or comfort.

The Power of 5%

One of the sadder experiences I have encountered as a marriage and family therapist is when a couple comes into my office with one person speaking of the relationship being over and wanting to move on—while the other person frantically declares that s/he is willing to do anything to save the relationship—and begs for one more chance.  This is not a promising scenario—because it takes two people to create a relationship but it takes only one to end it.  Relationships require two willing people.  

You, Me and Us

Imagine drawing three circles on a paper entitled “My Relationship” or “My Previous Relationships.”  The three circles represent how much of the relationship consists of “me” (my needs, wants, desires, moods, demands, etc.) “you” (your moods, wishes, dreams, demands, needs, etc.) and “us” (what serves our relationship, our commitment, our future, our connection.)

Solving Relationship Problems Requires Compassion

Note:  This is the third of a three-part series.  

Want a technique that will replace your anger and resentment with something more compassionate and loving?  Steven Stosny in his groundbreaking book You Don’t Have To Take It Anymore (Free Press) explains how to rid yourself of anger and resentment:

Romance Requires You to Walk Your Talk

Note: This is the second of a two-part series.

Here is a continuation of ways to keep the romance strong and vital in your intimate relationship:

The Essence of Romance

As we approach Valentine’s Day this year, I would like to highlight some of the best ways to keep your relationship romantic, close, connected and hot:

18 Ways to Have a Great New Year

The following are rules to live by if you desire a happy, more fulfilled life.  Honor these suggestions and your New Year will be a lot happier and more satisfying:

Creating a Conscious Relationship

Have you ever wondered why some couples, over time, remain warm, connected, affectionate and close to each other, while so many other couples flounder?

Want to learn their secret?

Making it Safe to be in a Relationship With You

Note:  This is the second of a two-part series

Think about the many moments in a relationship when your partner lets down his or her guard and exposes a soft spot.  Perhaps it is when he is scrutinizing his bald spot in the mirror and looking forlorn.  Perhaps it is when she has removed her make-up and feels less than glamorous.  Perhaps it is when he has just finished a painful phone conversation with his ex.  Perhaps it is when she is watching a movie and tears start streaming down from her eyes.

Spiritual Intimacy Requires a Deep Connection

Dear Neil:  Would you discuss the question of spiritual intimacy.  What is it?  How do you attain it?  Why don’t more people have it?  We are two friends with a bet.  One of us says that, although rare, it’s attainable.  The other says it doesn’t exist.  Your answer will decide who buys dinner.

Questioning
Longmont, Colorado

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