Last December, my wife Roni and I were on a research ship. We stayed for 18 days in a tiny 8 by 10 foot twin room on the vessel—in bunkbeds—in order for us to be in Antarctica, South Georgia Island and The Falkland Islands. But staying in very close quarters with someone, even someone you […]
I once had a colleague who did what I do: he was a marriage therapist. But this gentleman was in his early 90’s, and he had been married 70 years. He talked about his 5 marriages—and his 4 divorces—to his wife of 70 years, all with the same woman, and never with an actual divorce. […]
Focus on the qualities you admire and appreciate in your partner, and speak them. There’s a reason you chose him or her. What did you see in the beginning of the relationship that was so appealing, and what do you see now in your spouse/partner that is attractive, positive and good? Make it a point […]
Dear Neil: Over the past two years, my lady has increasingly gotten on my nerves, and it has made me question whether I want to continue in the relationship with her. In a nutshell, she keeps her apartment cluttered and in great disarray, she talks way too loud (people stare at us in a restaurant) […]
Here’s a snap quiz in honor of Valentine’s Day. When women use the term romance, what do they mean? What does romance mean to most women? And when men use the term romance, what does romance mean to them? Before you read what I’m about to say, answer the above questions first. One gender (women) […]
Dear Neil: I have been with my fiancé for over a year now. We are expecting our first child shortly. I moved to his town to be with him, and I just don’t like it. The town we are in is very small, and it feels like there are no opportunities here. We are living […]
Dear Neil: I was wondering if you have a Wife 101 column to go with your Husbandry 101 column. What are the equivalent rules for women? Committed Lady in Australia Dear Australia: Here they are. Many women adopt a passive attitude toward romance; they tend to think of courtship, romance and seduction as something a […]
Dear Neil: I have saved a column you wrote over a decade ago called “Husbandry 101: For Committed Men.” My copy has yellowed and frayed over the years, so could you rerun that column again? I believe many would like to see it again. Boulder, Colorado Dear Boulder: You bet. Here is a list of […]
The variety of couples in the news who are separating or divorcing is a sober reminder that our intimate relationships are fragile and can break—and that they must be handled with proper care and maintenance. Many things can go wrong in a marriage. But there are things you can do—or stop doing—that directly relate to […]
Over the course of my career as a marriage counselor, I have heard thousands of stories about intimate relationships that have gone wrong. Love, which takes much less effort in the beginning of a relationship, increasingly requires far more effort, relational skills and stick-to-it-ness as the relationship matures. Because of the almost unlimited number of […]